Mary was on the bus again today.
Same as every day on the
morning run to work
back seat in a skirt.
A startling dark sullen beauty
staring out the window
like I wasn’t there and
never would be.
Looking as though she were
plucked right out of the last day
I saw her
fifteen years ago
just before she passed,
pills and vodka.
everybody loved you but you
nobody saw your pain and
here you are like a
hammer dropped on a glass table.
People would think that I’m crazy
for entertaining the idea of this
and I’ve had this conversation
with myself many times.
But that was Mary.
I was sure of it
even though she hadn’t aged
a single day.
It wasn’t just my imagination,
A girl that good-looking
And we’ve been riding this bus
together for over a year now
so you could only imagine
how this has fucked with me.
It was no way to start your day
with your mind fixated
on her whether you liked it or not
every day as
everything else starts to
peel away like paint under a flame.
How so much like her it would be to go
and do something like this to make it
possible somehow but reality has rules
and people don’t just come back.
Why would they?
When you die
you’re fucking free of all this.
Mary knew that.
That’s why she left.
You don’t notice
how time really passes
when you become lost in a world
that has already passed
and yet I have done nothing but
endure it because of
my soul-searing uncertainty
and questions that turned into doubts
it can’t be…it just simply cannot be
finally too far gone to care
if I looked like a creep
or if the world was upside down
I got out of my seat and
I had a good line
I don’t know.
“Excuse me, Miss. I know you don’t know me
but we ride the same bus and I always notice you
writing in that black book of yours
and I just wanted to know what it is
that you write about?”
She slammed the book shut.
I thought that the girl was going to tell me off
but instead she started to laugh.
“I’m writing a story about a guy that
sees a girl that’s been dead for a long time
on the bus every day to work but doesn’t
have the sense or the guts to
actually do anything
about it until one day and…
She looked up at me with those
big beautiful eyes and mock smile.
“Stop me if you know this one.”