A Glaring Bout of Self Doubt

Tonight
it sits like a stone in my stomach
Life

How vulnerable I am
How I will eventually
perish

The love the friendships
I have given away
for nothing

I have made myself physically strong
I have made myself mentally strong
but it’s never good enough
for the beast lurking
around the corner
never

I always try to make myself better
tomorrow
than I am today
but I just don’t know if it’s
enough
when it matters

Because all of the things that
fuck with me I can’t put
into my pocket
it’s there in my eyes
burning in my chest
painted all over my face

and I don’t give a piss
what anybody thinks
this is me
against myself
today tomorrow
always

yet after all the time the work
the mistakes the fights
the failures and triumphs
when I have never been more in a position to be
certain of myself
secure and confident
in what I’ve done am doing
who I am

all that I am is scared

tonight
it sits like a stone in my stomach
life

and I breathe
and I breathe

and I have never been more in love
with breathing.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “A Glaring Bout of Self Doubt

  1. i remember one time i shocked my friend with a question : what is it about life that makes you want to preserve it so much?
    the question actually went for my self 🙂
    i suppose i just need to breathe

      1. somehow it got me an idea : i think i will end my life at 75 , got to explore that feeling to start writing about it. But depth always freaks me out, i stopped so many times before i even start to write.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s