A Glaring Bout of Self Doubt

it sits like a stone in my stomach

How vulnerable I am
How I will eventually

The love the friendships
I have given away
for nothing

I have made myself physically strong
I have made myself mentally strong
but it’s never good enough
for the beast lurking
around the corner

I always try to make myself better
than I am today
but I just don’t know if it’s
when it matters

Because all of the things that
fuck with me I can’t put
into my pocket
it’s there in my eyes
burning in my chest
painted all over my face

and I don’t give a piss
what anybody thinks
this is me
against myself
today tomorrow

yet after all the time the work
the mistakes the fights
the failures and triumphs
when I have never been more in a position to be
certain of myself
secure and confident
in what I’ve done am doing
who I am

all that I am is scared

it sits like a stone in my stomach

and I breathe
and I breathe

and I have never been more in love
with breathing.


12 thoughts on “A Glaring Bout of Self Doubt

  1. sitateofani

    i remember one time i shocked my friend with a question : what is it about life that makes you want to preserve it so much?
    the question actually went for my self 🙂
    i suppose i just need to breathe


      1. sitateofani

        somehow it got me an idea : i think i will end my life at 75 , got to explore that feeling to start writing about it. But depth always freaks me out, i stopped so many times before i even start to write.


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