Category Archives: Writing

At The End Of Our Dream

Mist white as a neighbour’s lie
spooks the immediate field of snapped hay strands
beyond the red-roofed townhomes
-rows of white walls facing down on
yards sloping towards me
sparsely populated by chickens with no heads.

A grey horse with an unruly mane arises
from lying on its side in a side alley
and ambles its way towards me.

It has no face
no eyes no mouth.

As I arrive at the dark sodden earth
of a farmer’s field where the houses ended
I knew that it was the end of the dream as well
and that there would be nothing beyond the tree line
etched into a morosely still overcast.

If I continued onward
I would simply awaken
and that this was what the end would be like
-it was not frightening or sad
but just was

and that in my life when I passed
I would simply be awakening from this dream
-our dream,
and I would end up here
somewhere passed those farmer’s fields.

I would go without struggle and
without ceremony

because this is
how things truly are
beyond the curbs and the lights
and the boxes in which everything has been placed
and carefully labelled.

A figure was approaching
from beyond the trees.
A tall, gaunt shape in no hurry.
It is not time to meet them yet
but they will come
as does the night.
As calm as a still sea.

Turning back I see
that the path had changed
from when I came.

The way back home
is a little longer.

It always is.

Father

In the cold air
In the night
In the yard
Seeing my father out there
standing
facing me
with his eyes closed

He pulls down the
oxygen mask on his face
so that it dangles
below his neck

The hospital gown loosely
hangs onto him
Exposing his white chest
just like I last saw him

“Thank you for coming. Thank you so much for being here.”
He said
and I can still hear it
everyday
in traffic
brushing my teeth
as I lie in bed and wait
for sleep

I didn’t know it at the time
but
those were his last words to me
before the monitors started flashing
the machines started beeping
and the nurses came rushing in
as he closed his eyes

A light switching off
on a living room family portrait
growing increasingly further away
until last words
are all that is left

He says something else now
He says it every day that
I’m here
And I’m trying to but
I still can’t hear it

Over all of this bullshit
that I call myself

but he's always been
standing right in front of me
the whole time.

Moment

No matter how fast
you can’t catch it.

No matter how strong
you can’t lift it.

You can’t bottle it
You can’t measure it.

You can’t change it
and you can’t fix it.

But you can hold it
as long as you want to.

Some people
never let it go.

Like me.

So many times I
could have done it
differently.

So many moments
that I never left.

The Great Upending

When it breathes
upon your window
and smiles

When it strolls in
through the unlocked
patio door
between the curtains
like a breeze
like breath

When it comes
walking barefoot
towards your bedroom

When it crawls
between the sheets
and settles in

When it takes
your hand
like the hand of a child

and it whispers
in your ear

What do you know
about anything
at all now?

The moment
it becomes
a living thing
breathing all over you

Your soul
suddenly
a piece of glass
falling
into a great black sea

Unexpected
it arrives
as a storm
at your window
a hound
at your door
a stranger
in your bed

The moment
that everything
changes

that you never saw
coming

I Am

I float along
as a seed in the wind
a cloud in the night
a dream in the mind of a child
floats.

I am alone
fading into silence
a flash of light
in the darkness
a blast from a trumpet
a circus
a rocket
a riot.

I am
a drop of rain
on a weathered stone
an eye
through a keyhole
a wick in the candle
a gamble.

I am a face
in the window
a ghost
in the attic
a breeze
from the cellar
a bridge
and a river.

I am a saviour
a strangler
a stranger.

I am
the lifting of the curtain
the elucidation
the burden.

I am
the last bedroom light on
in the house
in this neighbourhood
in this world.

I am this world.

When I Pass

When I pass
I don’t want flowers
or a sermon
or tears.

I want the shade of a tree,
a gentle breeze
and a bird song.

I want to be that bird
and that tree
and perhaps a snail.

I would still want to live
and I will.

It may be dark
for a little while
until there is light again

but it will come
as sure as the next sunrise
the next song
the next rain.

So don’t mourn for me
because I’m not there.

I’m in the trees
in the grass
in the air.

I’m everywhere
but in the box.

I’m already on my way
to something else.

Take this moment instead.
Take a deep breath.
Take a good look around and

don’t cry for angels
that won’t cry for you.

Corporate Melancholy

Oh, but to button up your salmon shade shirt
as first light suffuses the sky
to grab your leather case
to head out into the utilitarian
concrete venues
the slow murder of the freeway
the stone faces behind desks
the clerks the admins the accountants
the space between eyes like
air between walls
the cubicles lashed together
under fluorescent strips of lights.

The unsettling labyrinth of hidden voices
hitting their sales targets.

It can skew your sanity
itch at your primordial mind
that this isn’t and never
was intended to be
the way for us so long
hidden under rocks and leaves
our soul.

This isn’t really you
beneath this artificial skin
thin as paper on a desk
but the children require cellphones
and your wife a new look.

As slowly your face
moulds into that shit-eating grin while
thanking your next client
your blood wants blood
your past cannot forgive you.

You measure yourself
with false advertisements

and spend all night
locked in dreams
mocking your life.

Built To Last

Humans are predominantly fragile creatures. You cannot deny the invariable condition of the species. People collide into all sorts of things including each other. They get scratched, bruised, and sometimes broken.

Then there was Henry. ‘Built to last!’ was his slogan after he shattered his elbow and fractured his femur.

You couldn’t tell Henry that he wasn’t superman no matter how many times he came home with another fall or fail, another fracture or broken bone, another gratuitous scar. His attitude was firmly stoic despite all the operations, the orthopedic implants, the sheer amount of titanium introduced into his body over time.

Some people would just quit. Stay inside. Hire security. Weep before an ever-loving God with complete resignation and devotion. Not Henry. He would book an extreme parasailing adventure or unsuccessfully take on the Bangkok underground fighting circuit. And he would always come back with a new injury and an incredible story that’s validity was questionable at best.

Henry’s singular drive towards putting himself in harm’s way was exhausting and seemed to be his only talent. Some people were just built a certain way that confounded the rest of us. Perhaps it was life laughing at itself.

When a building finally came down on Henry, he should have been absolutely crushed but miraculously had managed to only break his leg (again). How or why no longer applied in his dimension. I didn’t even get the full story except that he had stumbled onto a pending demolition site looking for a lost puppy. At this point in his life, I was the only person left in the world that would pick Henry up from the hospital.

Henry snickered as he hobbled over. “Built to last!” He gleamed.

“Shut-up, Henry. Get in the car.”