Good Ol’ Tommy

I saw an old college buddy at the grocery store.
I haven’t seen him in years so I waved at him excitedly with both hands
with all the subtlety of the Kool-aid Man crashing through a wall.
Oh Yeah!

“Hey Fucker!” I shouted gleefully across
the frozen produce section.

I waited for him to register who I was.
That’s right. Take your time…Dipshit.

Finally, “Oh, hey man!” He returned.
“Hey!” I repeated, came up to him and looked him over.
“Christ, you’re fat!” I said.
“I’m married.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, I can see that it’s done wonders for you.”
“Are you married?” He asked.
“Now don’t you start with that crazy talk!”

I saw him signal something to a woman
lumbering around the organics section
scaring children and
sensuously eying the cucumbers.

She almost sucked up an avocado just by breathing.

“Is that your wife over there?” I asked.
“Yes.” His eyes glowed so they must be newlyweds because
he didn’t absolutely despise or fear her yet.

“Good God! What happened to you?” I inquired,
“You used to be so slick
always picking girls off the club floor
like apples from a tree
now you’re perusing the tomatoes
you look like an eggplant
and your wife’s Godzilla!”

“Would you like to meet her?”

“Whatever, I gotta run.
Just looking at you two makes me
want to buy a steak
(I gave him a look)
before they’re all gone.

I turned away and wheeled my cart
over to the next aisle
chuckling to myself.

Good ol’ Tommy.
Such a nice guy,
therefore we all rode him
like a cheap virgin hooker
on a Saturday night
all the way through college.

And something’s never change.


13 thoughts on “Good Ol’ Tommy

  1. oldmainer

    Ah yes, one of the beautiful people that go around trampling on peoples esteem with their remarks without a second thought. I’m afraid I have met too many of them. I’m sure Tommy was thrilled to see him. Not hard to figure out why he is single. Nice story


    1. HJM Post author

      Thanks man. That’s what you get when you write about how people treat each other and you realize that 90% of them are assholes and the other 10% are total dicks. Hahaha…No there are some good people…some.


  2. nyelome

    Age old adage, nice guys finish last was never completed: but at least they finish. A lot of people build their lives ( if false lives from a different perspective ) off of this.

    I know relationships never got me anywhere – in all honesty, usually it ended up with the woman cheating on me or dumping me because I was Bipolar. Really, I warned them though. Before the date question ever pops up, I advise them: ” I have issues.” Usually ‘ I understand.’ Well, painfully obvious that none yet have “understood.”

    But really, happiness or success isn’t some contrived value like materialism has built it up to be. It is what you find in yourself. Not to suggest some subjective morality, just that happiness isn’t a utopia. ( go to roots of that word. ) Happiness is what YOU enjoy, what makes YOU laugh.

    I also struggled with that last word ( and still do. ) There were many years spent with the inability to laugh because I never found things funny that the majority did. It wasn’t until I was like: “OK screw what they think is funny, what do – I – think is funny?” That I started laughing more. It was as much a cathartic realization as the 200 meter sprint following the 13 mile run.

    There is a place for brutal honesty as well brutal realization. People have to experience falling for themselves to understand. Sucks, because you want to help people.

    People don’t want help, their sucked up by that big three letter combination – EGO. They need to learn by falling on their ass ( or hopefully face. ) Then, you have to dismiss your own ego. That is you have to shove that ” I told you so.” On the tip of your tongue back down your throat. You have to extend the hand and pick them up.

    That’s what friends are for. Letting you fall on your ass and then picking you up off your ass.


    1. HJM Post author

      I agree. People more so look for attention and appreciation rather than something that would actually help them because in all actuality they don’t want to be helped. They want to be told that everything is okay and that they’re different and they’re special and they don’t deserve any of the negative things that have happened to them but that’s just not real and it’s just not life. Bad things happen to good people. Everybody’s crazy and life is fucking hard and it’s not going to get easier or better unless you make it or at least try and that is the truth that nobody wants to hear so badly that they will pay you not to tell them.


      1. nyelome

        Sometimes you just keep at it. Like training for a marathon. I have a fractured ankle but i’m still training. Walking is painful, but I walk in the mornings. In the afternoons I do water running…. which, I will tell you, is pretty damn painful!

        Many people don’t want to invest the effort. I was that way at one point and there are days I still am, it goes hand in hand with my medical issues, but you rebound.

        You don’t let it drag you down, destroy you, or your idealism. You make it an opportunity to make yourself stronger.


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