Maria! Maria! Oh, God no…Maria!

We were driving back home on the freeway doing about 180 both drunk killing tall cans by the minute trunk stuffed with crushed empties. Fuck the world is what he said when he picked me up. He had just gotten divorced by some Maria down in Cuba and it was fresh so often throughout the […]

Town Drunk

When you’ve had enough it’s not enough until after a while everything becomes a violent smear of voice and colour There is music as well you hear violins must be Beethoven. He was a fucking drunk too. They all were all the greats except for Hitler and look what happened to him. What, you want […]

Big Fat Fly in the Dead of Winter

It’s the dead of winter and there is a big fat fly marauding around my garage coming closer and closer to my head as it sweeps out trying to get the most of the situation and I sit here writing this to Stevie Wonder with a used blunt in the ashtray sipping on a glass […]

How to Kill a Ginger

Vickers was a fire-breathing ginger capable of mass-destruction even in the unlikeliest of places and therefore had to be kept under constant supervision lest he destroy your peace of mind, soul and your five-year relationship while going to the fridge to get a beer. I had spent the last half-hour trying to kill him with […]

Good Ol’ Tommy

I saw an old college buddy at the grocery store. I haven’t seen him in years so I waved at him excitedly with both hands with all the subtlety of the Kool-aid Man crashing through a wall. Oh Yeah! “Hey Fucker!” I shouted gleefully across the frozen produce section. I waited for him to register […]

Drunk Kid at the Bar

I was leaning against the bar absently stirring my drink when there was a tap on my shoulder: “Hey, get the fuck out of my way. I need a beer.” I decided to ignore it. Maybe it would go away. But no, there were several taps on my shoulder now. “Didn’t you fucking hear me? […]