How I Open Doors For Hipsters

I open doors for hipsters when they’re on a bike and I’m in a car. You had to get it just right. Timing was everything. It wasn’t easy. I don’t think that most people would appreciate how much of an art form it really is. The hardest part was getting close enough to be effective […]

Heartbreaker

She didn’t just break your heart, she stomped on it purposefully against the curb then set it on fire with a blowtorch and a mad grin until it was well done eating it afterwards at a fine restaurant casually piercing it with silverware between long sips of red wine and tossing the scraps to the […]

Buying My First Smartphone

“Here’s your new phone.” “It’s looking at me funny!” “That’s probably your own reflection.” “Where are all the buttons?” “It doesn’t have any.” “What kind of witch-magic is this?!” I gave the phone a shake. Nothing happened. Nothing came out. All the witches must still be inside. I shook it harder then stuffed it down […]

Cracking Open A Fresh Box of Wine

Her face is stark white like a fresh sheet sailing happy blank eyes summer sky blue white pearls packed together everywhere between her balloon watermelon lips. It’s mesmerizing, you become captivated and start to writhe about like a charmed snake. That’s the lady that works the Sobeys wine store by far one of the most […]