Taking it all in
one long moment
sitting there
on the edge of the bed
with a gun in your hand
blood on the sheets
a brunette laying across them
naked
pale
stiff
like a mannequin
you don’t recognize the gun
the room
her
your clothes
You don’t know how you got there
at all
so you lie back
upon the bed
your head close
to her hip
taking it all in
one long moment
staring at the ceiling fan
spinning
a quiet shadow
across everything
before you close
your eyes
and try to wake up.
Tom lost his fiancé at a party. He didn’t like being without her in an apartment crowded with people. He didn’t like people. He didn’t know what to say to them. Stacy was the only one he could talk to. And now she was gone.
That’s when he saw the boy standing in the living room with an open Ziploc bag handing out pills like it was Halloween candy. He looked so nicely cooked that you just wanted to be him.
“This is Eddie’s shit, Man. Best in town. Y’all know Eddie, right? We’re just around the corner so hit us up. Nice chill buzz. It’ll get your girl in the mood. Spread the word that I’ve got free samples cause I’m only here ‘til it’s gone. Only got fragments left, Man, fragments.”
Largest reason why Tom didn’t like being around people was that he easily saw into them and mostly didn’t like what he saw. The boy with the bag didn’t add up at all. Beneath his entrepreneurial bravado he looked scared. Of what? It was a party, Man, not even a particularly exciting one.
People were snatching pills up as word circulated around the apartment. When the boy gave out the last one and noticed that Tom was watching him he took the empty sandwich bag in both of his hands, blew into it and then popped it with his fist. He mouthed a word slowly to Tom and made for the door, fumbling the knob on the way out. Tom couldn’t make out what he had said but he barely tried.
Fuck, where was Stacy? She knew better than this. Tom didn’t want to seem desperate enough to go looking for her either. It was one of those situations that exemplified exactly why he was dragged here by his balls and Tom was just going to sit there and wait a few more minutes like a good dog.
That’s when the laughter in the kitchen started.
Everybody was laughing in there. What a riot. Good times. They kept on and on. They didn’t stop. After a while Tom could tell by the way that people in the living room had stopped talking with eyes nervously darting back and forth that it scared them too. A couple of them started laughing themselves. It was catching on, whatever it was. Something was happening.
The laughter became louder until it was all anyone could hear and it wasn’t only coming from the kitchen now. People were bent over here and there having a fit. It didn’t look fun; it looked forced. Tom realized that he was gripping the sofa he sat on with white knuckles.
Tom wasn’t sure what was going on but it was strange enough to potentially send him over the ledge and all the way down. His short bursts of breath were signaling a coming panic attack and Tom wasn’t about to have one here because there was nowhere to hide. Stacy would be disappointed, even if she didn’t show it.
A skinny blonde girl stumbled out of the kitchen cackling like a rabid hyena. The people that weren’t laughing started screaming –her face; her fucking face. Tom sprang from the sofa and sped to the back of the apartment calling Stacy’s name and going into every room until he found her.
“We’ve got to go, now!” Stacy saw enough to not protest and held Tom close as they made their way back down the hall towards the front door. Stacy looked into the next room they passed and screamed as Tom pulled her away.
Uncontrollable laughter was only a symptom of becoming something far worse. What they saw now were no longer people. Their faces and bodies had disfigured into some morbid curiosity. It made you sick to look at them but you didn’t want to look away as everything was happening so fast.
Tom knew that it wouldn’t stop there and that this was the beginning of an event that was beyond his comprehension. What he did comprehend was that they weren’t going to make it past the living room. Not with what he saw happening up ahead. Nothing should make a person look like that and do those things. Rage wouldn’t describe it.
Passing by the bathroom Tom saw that it was empty, pulled Stacy inside and locked the door. Not satisfied, he held the doorknob with both hands. Tom now felt shut in and trapped but at least he didn’t have to see what was going on out there. Screams filled the apartment. Screams and laughter. It was pandemonium. It was a living Hell.
It was only then that Tom thought back to what the boy had said to him and realized it was, ‘I’m sorry.’ If it didn’t make much sense then it was much clearer now. But what in God’s name had he done?
“Call 911!” Tom shouted, but Stacy wasn’t moving, until she lifted up her face. Her mouth had already frozen into an sickening grin that almost met her yellow bulbous eyes trapped in a blank mad stare that was both haunted and haunting. It was a face that would have been comic had it not been terrifyingly so.
“Oh no, Baby. NO BABY! No no no no…not you too…” Tom reached for her and began to cry.
Stacy began to laugh.
Part 2 of 2. Catch part 1 here: THE DEALER
From within the great and terrible
darkness…
I heard the most beautiful voice
sing.
Let me love you
furiously
like death loves the young and
fire loves a tree.
Let me take your hand
and put it on the trigger.
Let’s turn everything
into just plain murder.
Let’s give them all Hell
for having birthed us.
Let’s scream off the agony of being
and beat down the cages just to
bully the hungry lions.
Let’s rage against the day
against the night
against the vast indifferent sky.
Let’s shake the sleep out of the angels,
step on the toes of giants and
embrace the writhing Leviathan.
Let’s burn into forever.
Let’s awaken the dusty trumpets.
Love is a sickness that I could live without. But your beauty is as compelling as Jupiter is large.
We abate
softly
into nothingness
into finality
into the darkness
beneath a great empty canvas
and so on this certain passing
I felt almost touched
and almost
momentarily elated
if you will
from the brooding vacuous maelstrom
that has become most days
it was somewhat like catching
the whisper of an echo
in a backroom
or hearing the flight
of a hummingbird
at the other end
of the garden,
catching a ghost
at the edge
of a photograph,
reaching out and
touching dust
floating in sunlight,
absorbing the strain
of a single violin
in a blazing symphony
or feeling the breeze
that barely bends the meadow.
As fleeting as fireflies
we become to each other.
Just give it a little time
and everything
becomes nothing.
My love of words
is large and mean
and my heart
-it’s just a junkyard dog that
growls at nothing
and gnaws at old bones
until they’re dust.
I have become so much better
since I’ve obtained a strong handle
on the absurdity of myself
but still
there’s nothing easier
than picking up a bottle
when you’re heart is bleeding
all over the floor.
It’s hard to see the stars
from the gallows
or a smile through tears.
It’s hard to see rot beneath beauty
hope beneath shame
love beneath all that hate.
It’s hard to see change at the end of a gun
peace through the flames
or God through all that pain.
It’s hard not to bury
not to burn
not to break
because it’s hard to see the way.
And it gets harder to see
every day.
I’ve fallen for you
and I’m still falling
like out of a plane
without a parachute
or from a building
without a net
without a care
without a worry
without any concern
at all
it’s just so rare
that sometimes
it just feels good
to let yourself
fall
to feel yourself
falling
and when I hit the ground
as I surely will
it will be with
open arms
and a
smile.
This world has shrunken to a room
filled with maniacs
and guns.
Everything
outside the window
looks like it’s either dead
or on fire.
Anything between is only deception.
Corpses rush through traffic
so preoccupied
with time
as the coyotes wait for darkness
sitting fat upon their faces.
The sun reveals
the presence of walls
unacquainted
with so-called mercy.
The sun rambles
it goes on and on
like the last drunk
at the party.
Nature wants not your genius
if you’re so smart
then why can’t
you clean up
your mess?!
I suppose that it doesn’t matter
the sea will claim us all
in the end
whether we understand it
or not
and I do believe
that it is time
for another drink.
Something sweet
Something dark perhaps.