How to Kill a Ginger

Vickers was a fire-breathing ginger capable of mass-destruction even in the unlikeliest of places and therefore had to be kept under constant supervision lest he destroy your peace of mind, soul and your five-year relationship while going to the fridge to get a beer. I had spent the last half-hour trying to kill him with […]

Good Ol’ Tommy

I saw an old college buddy at the grocery store. I haven’t seen him in years so I waved at him excitedly with both hands with all the subtlety of the Kool-aid Man crashing through a wall. Oh Yeah! “Hey Fucker!” I shouted gleefully across the frozen produce section. I waited for him to register […]

You Can’t Write For Them

Like I Have a Choice A buddy of mine came up to me the other day and said: “I finally read a few of your posts and I really like your writing but I found that a lot of your stuff is really dark. What the hell happened to you?” “I fell down some stairs.” […]

There is a Growing Sickness on the Web

I’m always at a party somewhere and it’s killing me but the alcohol eases the pain of being around other people like my friend who shoves his phone in my face and says, “Hey Man, you GOTTA see THIS!” as he starts a video and although I probably didn’t want to see whatever he had […]

She is Leaving You (Welcome to Canada)

She is made out of steel and concrete. She will snatch away your seeds and then scratch out your sky. She will yank out your heart like a weed from her garden. She will not come for you at the airport or anywhere else. She will leave you. She is leaving you. She is already […]

Everything is Breaking Down Around Me (Fuck Everything)

Phone’s dead. Internet’s down. Car’s a smokin’. Toaster’s fucked. Computer’s fried like eggs. The television went for a shit and never came back. Girlfriend’s not working         -she’s limp and unresponsive. The drapes are ripped (you’re welcome). The goldfish are floating upside down         –and I don’t even own goldfish. The cats are […]

Problem Solved

I had no interest in her at first because everybody liked her even the girls and all I heard about was her..her…HER! And I was under the mindset that if everyone all really liked something than it couldn’t have been very good. I had recently started working at a textile factory watching fabric spin around […]

Isabeta

I was on a military base just south of the Brazilian border and had just returned from hanging out at a bar inside of a grocery store. My aunt had called me out to the front yard to meet a teacher that lived across the neighbourhood. Her name was Isabeta and she was spoiled with […]

Drunk Kid at the Bar

I was leaning against the bar absently stirring my drink when there was a tap on my shoulder: “Hey, get the fuck out of my way. I need a beer.” I decided to ignore it. Maybe it would go away. But no, there were several taps on my shoulder now. “Didn’t you fucking hear me? […]

One Hot Day & Two Hot Blondes

We went to an outdoor concert. Big venue. It was me, my buddy, our girlfriends years into relationships that were turning bitter. We both had just gotten over some big fights but there was tension still lingering and lurking all over the place behind words, gestures, looks, swipes at character made here and there. As […]